Buried in amongst all the other conversations that go on in my head is yet another kid-related one. And this one seems to have direct impact (don't they all?) on stuff that's going on with Anna and me about our social life (or lack thereof).
First off, I think it's interesting / important to note that Anna is now of the opinion that I'm contagious. Specifically, my anti-social behaviors are, according to her, starting to rub off. While I hadn't really thought about it that much, she may actually have something there. She does seem to be going out with the folks at work less and less and she doesn't really have any other outside friends (or at least so few that the number is on the same order of magnitude as I have).
That's an almost disturbing thought because, quite frankly, I was somewhat hoping that Anna would be a motive force to get me out of my shell. If, instead, she's retreating into one, where does that leave me / us? I think that may mean that I have to force myself out of a shell and then drag the both of us along (possibly kicking and screaming all the way). If that's not something to scare the bejeezus out of a dyed-in-the-wool introvert like myself, I don't know what is.
Which brings me to the aforementioned internal conversation. One of the things that's been a sticking point (for me) about having kids is that I understand (at least intellectually) the extent to which kids will demand time from both Anna and myself. And the time that we devote to them (since I fully expect us to be doting parents) is time that we won't have for each other. It's time we won't be able to spend going somewhere for a weekend or out for dinner or any of the other hundreds of things that, to a large extent, we don't do now anyway.
And that's where the conversation gets wierd. After all, we're not doing that stuff now "just because". How can not doing it later for a reason be bad by comparison? Plus, there'd be the added benefit of now having a new circle of people to interact with.
But, on the gripping hand, I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with the fact that one of the reasons I'm thinking about having kids is to expand my social contacts. Granted, it's, at best, one of a few reasons and far from the top of the list, but it's on there...
Author: ben@tmk.com