This has almost turned into a joke between Anna, my wife, and me. She believes that I'm slowly becoming sociable and maybe even a tad socialized, but I'm adamant that I'm not. I suspect our disagreement may have to do with nomenclature.
For those of you who know what the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is, I'm almost always an INTP. The strange thing is that, for a while there, quite a few years back, I actually fluctuated over into ENTP. If you've never spent time with an INTP, we are definitely a wonder to behold. We know everything and what we don't know, we can usually figure out. Worst of all, though, is that we're usually right or at least we spend a lot of energy and effort to try our damnedest to be right.
I'm going to continue talking about a hypothetical INTP. The sharp ones amongst you should be able to quickly determine that I'm not talking about any INTP, just this particular one.
So, take a person like that and put them into a typical social situation. He is perfectly happy so long as he can direct the conversation to interesting topics and everyone is willing to play along. Alternatively, if everyone is talking about something interesting, directed or not, this, too, provides ample opportunity for him to contribute to the converstaion and play along.
Now is when it gets more difficult. Toss in someone who doesn't agree with our hero [note heavy use of sarcasm here...] or have the conversation drift towards less interesting topics (less interesting than our INTP cares about, that is) and suddenly this is no longer a fun place to be. He quickly gets bored and wants to do something else. On the one hand, this could be viewed as having a short attention span. On the other (and I believe more correct) hand, this has nothing to do with attention span, but merely with breadth of interest.
This brings us to this past Friday... My wife's mother (Vera) and her husband (Douglas) came by for dinner and a short visit. Since I hadn't cooked in a while (and I do like to cook), I offered to make dinner. So I spent most of the early evening in the kitchen, cleaning and chopping vegetables, cooking, etc. Vera and Anna went off to chat (as they are wont to do) and Douglas was quite content to have some quiet time so he could read. I was quite happy.
During dinner, I explained what I'd done to make everything come out so nicely. [Don't fret - it was just a (for me) simple stir-fry with some sauteed beef on the side. Not a big deal.] Other than that, I was starting to lose my happy sense since I now needed to interact with other people and didn't really have that much to say. After dinner, just before Vera and Douglas left, Douglas and I happened to get into a conversation about Quantum Mechanics (QM). Don't ask me how it happened, I don't remember. In any event, I was back in my element since Physics was one of my college majors.
Of course, being me, I got into a discussion / disagreement with Douglas about the interpretation of something in QM. It started to get a little bit heated because I was absolutely convinced of the rightness of what I was saying and equally sure that he was completely wrong. Anna gave me a warning look and managed to get her mother to agree that it was probably time for them to leave. [They had been planning to leave anyway, but actually were delayed while Douglas and I started talking, so their leaving was not because of me.]
After they'd left and Anna beat me up a little for getting quite so engrossed in the discussion. ["No, dear. I'd actually have said the same set of things regardless of who I was talking to."] But then, out of left field, came the unexpected from her: "See! You are becoming sociable!" I'm still not quite sure what she saw during that evening that I didn't see, because I certainly didn't see myself being sociable.
In other news, but still on the sociability front, I've decided to see if I can reactivate my membership in a particular organization dedicated to smart people. I've had a current membership twice already in my life - both times as an attempt to force myself out of my shell and into interactions with other people. Both previous times have been failures (with a whimper, not a bang). I'm not sure that attempt number 3 will be any better, but I'm more grown up now and can drag Anna along to the various events so I'm not going as a loner. I think that will help to make it actually work, but can't be sure. Only time will tell. Stay tuned.
Author: ben@tmk.com